Turning Away From Pressure
Life is not a game of Tetris
An uninvited visitor
I realised that something was wrong when my old enemy PRESSURE started making nightly appearances again, when all I wanted was to hang out with my friends SLEEP and REST.
PRESSURE tends to show up unannounced and uninvited. She doesn’t call ahead to ask if her visit is convenient for me. No locked door keeps her out.
She’s a real nuisance and has a tendency to overstay her welcome.
That’s what she did after Christmas and well into the new year.
An old acquaintance
PRESSURE and I go way back. She comes in many shapes and forms.
She looked over my shoulder when I was writing my to-do lists and encouraged me to add to them.
She kept an eye on me when I was looking for a job that wasn’t full time and told me that wasn’t enough, I needed to work as much as everyone else, so I added more hours.
She would breathe down my neck saying ‘do one more thing, do one more (and one more), work harder, work longer” until I was exhausted. Every single day. And she didn’t just mean work. She made me a very performance-orientated person.
She stabbed me in the back when I couldn’t stand the awful working atmosphere at my job and told me not to be silly, that everybody else could handle it and I should too. Don’t make a fuss!
She squeezed my heart very tightly as she told me to make goals, plan for the future, do everything as well as I humanly possible could and turn into the best version of myself. She’s has always been very strict.
She didn’t let me breathe properly, when … well, my whole life, to be honest.
I didn’t question PRESSURE, I just tried to live up to it.
PRESSURE has always been a big issue for me.
Life as a game of Tetris.
Tension and too-muchness
I’m always tense. I find it hard to relax and let go, to have trust in life or in myself. I always expect something bad to happen and I always prepare myself for the worst. I experience life as a constant struggle, against pressure and against a world that is too much (too loud, too fast, too superficial, too thoughtless, too heartless, too consumption-oriented …).
Being a highly sensitive person is not an advantage here.
ANXIETY is another unwanted constant companion.
About resilience
Some might say: You just have to learn to be more resilient, that would be the way to go. I actually tried for years.
Along with: Just get on with it like the others (apparently) do. And: Fake it until you make it. Everyone says it gets better with time, you get used to it. Except when it doesn’t.
I’ve put a lot of pressure on myself for decades to tackle all these issues, to relax, to be optimistic, to see life differently, to react differently, to feel less, to be calmer, to stop being afraid. But the added pressure has made it even worse, it doesn't work that way for me and I’ve been trying for a really long time.
The circumstances of my job, the pandemic and too much pressure from all sides for too long, especially from myself, meant that I couldn't take any more pressure at all.
A conscious decision
During my recovery from burnout, I came to the conclusion that I wasn’t made for all this pressure, never was, even if it looked different from the outside or would be desirable.
The pressure had not been good for my health, especially my mental health, but it had also spread to psychosomatic illnesses. I had a strong feeling that I had to stop in order to find peace and live a healthier life.
So I made a conscious decision to turn away from it and to unlearn to put pressure on myself.
Or as my husband, who has known me for 31 years, put it: ‘You've already put yourself under more than enough pressure in your life, that's enough for a lifetime!’
New approach
Since then, I’ve gradually started to make my life less stressful. Not always easy, because PRESSURE is a strong opponent. (Especially if you’ve let her grow since childhood to such enormous proportions like I did.)
But for the past two years now, I’ve been trying a new approach: pulling the rug out from under PRESSURE’s feet.
I’ve always asked the same questions in all kinds of situations: Is this really important and necessary? What happens if I don't do it (now)? Answer: Usually, nothing at all (to my surprise).
I’ve rested when the pressure got too much instead of pushing through like I did for decades.
I’ve separated my self-worth from my performance and my to-do list. It wasn’t easy, but an absolute relief!
I’ve challenged many traditions and social conventions and what doesn’t make sense to me, I no longer do.
I've questioned the expectations of others and, most importantly, my own expectations of myself.
I’ve stopped comparing myself to others.
I no longer need or want to prove anything to anyone, neither to others nor to myself. Above all, I just want to feel good and at ease.
I’ve started to live just one day at a time instead of planning and worrying about the future. During my convalescence, nothing else was possible, and after I got better, I didn’t want to do it any other way because I felt so much lighter and relieved.
I’ve become better at not taking on more than I can handle - either in terms of work, appointments, housework, things, get-togethers or people.
Being gentle and kind with myself
Starting to live a slow, simple and quiet life was also part of the way to unlearn pressure. Reducing everything helped at lot. Less stuff, fewer decisions, less managing, simplifying life … less pressure.
I am learning to treat myself gently and kindly and I’ve set myself a simple rule to live by: If I feel pressure, I let go of what is putting me under pressure. Immediately.
I ask nothing of myself in that moment but to rest and take care of myself. I can come back later when I feel up to it - no longer overwhelmed, no longer desparate, but more relaxed, more confident. (If it’s necessary to do it at all! See above.)
Dropping everything and turning away from pressure has proven to be helpful and healthy for me. Then to come back later and try again. In tiny steps, if needed.
My husband and I call this the ‘Clauzi-Tempo’ (my personal pace).
I’ve also finally accepted that I am and always will be a highly sensitive person. It’s okay to live accordingly, it’s healthy, it’s necessary. For me as an HSP, it’s paramount to stay away from overwhelm. So doing something about the pressure in my life is absolutely crucial. Less pressure means less overwhelm.
I’ve realised that being considerate of my needs is not a sign of weakness, but of strength.
Strange, but liberating
I had been used to that constant feeling of pressure all my life, it was normal. Not nice, but I knew it. Unlearning that and feeling good without that pressure is still kind of new, and sometimes I catch myself wondering if I deserve it because it feels so weird, too easy, isn’t life meant to be hard?
But I’m getting better at feeling the big, big relief of it and at telling me: yes, I deserve it. I love every single decision I make against PRESSURE. I feel better and lighter.
Not without resistance
Well, you may have guessed it already: it sounds too good to be that simple - and it’s not. PRESSURE is putting up a fight.
She still wants to be the centre of attention.
She still wants to call the shots.
She feels her impending loss of power.
She comes up with a new trick.
She sneeks up on me when I’m not expecting it.
And that’s exactly what happened at the turn of the year.
I wanted to write a post with the title Unlearning Pressure, subtitle: What a Relief!, started putting ideas together, started writing - and PRESSURE burst in with a diva-like entrance and crashed the party. You would think she was scared.
Suddenly pressure seemed to be too big a topic, there were too many aspects, I had so many stories to tell, I didn’t know how to fit it all into one text.
The clock was ticking, the days went by, and living from day to day and taking things slowly was suddenly no longer working either.
I was totally stressed out. I tried to push through again. I missed the joy of writing.
Isn’t it ironic that wanting to write a post about unlearning pressure put me under so much pressure?
So, yes, PRESSURE still gets me.
But I've learnt to bounce back more quickly, and that's worth a lot.
Bouncing back
This time, I got rid of PRESSURE by - quite spontaneously - starting a new series What Made Me Happy in 2025. A better and more positive focus, more lightness. One way to fight PRESSURE.
I crave a life that’s good for my nervous system and my mental health. PRESSURE isn’t. We had our time, but it’s time to go our separate ways. For good. I hope she got the memo this time. Because, you see, I finished this post and she can watch me hit the send button too.
Sometimes I just have to accept a setback. Some things need a little more time. And more practice.
So, where were we? Ah, yes: turning away from pressure - what a relief!
Life is not a game of Tetris.
"I’ve realised that being considerate of my needs is not a sign of weakness, but of strength".
Yes to this! It's so hard not to fall back on old habits or patterns, but once you realise peace can be obtained, the work and effort is worth it which over time becomes easier and more intuitive. 😊
“Life is not a constant game of Tetris”—I love that. It’s about listening to our bodies and hearts and moving at our own rhythm. Hearing you share your journey and how you’ve made space for gentleness instead of more pressure is truly inspiring. It’s a reminder that we don’t have to keep pushing ourselves endlessly, and that slowing down can actually be the most healing thing we can do for ourselves. Thank you for sharing your path toward more peace and self-compassion🫶