Why I quit my favourite job

When being an HSP is not a good fit – not even in a library

The perfect job at my favourite childhood place

When I started my new job in 2016, I thought it was perfect. I had landed the best job I could imagine and just everything had come together – well almost, but I thought I was prepared for that. (Turned out, I wasn’t.)

The small public library in my home town was my new workplace, a place I loved dearly as a child. Back then I borrowed every book they would let me (under the age of 12 it was restricted). I read every single children’s book and most of the teen’s books. I absolutely loved the place - the atmosphere, the calmness, the people around. Yes, even the somewhat dusty, moist smell of thousands of well-used library books.

Little did I know back then that I would get a key to that favourite childhood place some 25 years later. Access to tons of books 24/7. I was delighted! Well, actually, I was in heaven.

However, the best bit about having started to work there was to help develop the meanwhile somewhat outmoded library, to help it change gently and to help it grow. I wanted others to make equally good memories. How wonderful it would be, if that library would become one of their favourite places to be, too.

I was brimming with energy, ideas, plans. I loved my job. All my strengths, values, fields of interests (yes, and also my training), they all led to this place, this job. Or so it seemed at that time. I was well prepared to do it for the rest of my working life.

Working with people

I never wanted a mere office job. I always wanted to work with, for and amongst people. And I absolutely loved it. With all the joy I had, all the energy I poured into that job, with all the positive feedback I got for my work, I felt I was doing something good for the people, the library, my home town. I was at the right place, where I should be. Where I could make a difference.

A public library is quite a busy place nowadays. No shushing, no silence or anything you might associate with libraries a while back. And don’t get me wrong: I think, it definitely changed for the better. It’s lively, brimming with energy, kids and families spend their time there, school classes visit, elderly people need help with their e-book readers, everyone from small to senior loves a good book recommendation.

You talk to everyone, you engage with everyone, you want everyone to feel welcome and part of the community.

Although I loved working with so many different people every day, of every age and lots of different backgrounds, although it gave me so much joy and confidence – being an introverted highly sensitive person, it also took quite some toll on my energy.

Being exhausted all the time

Although I only worked part-time, I was drained and completely exhausted by Thursday noon. Thursday afternoon and Friday (opening times till 7 pm being the longest day) still ahead of me. Over the years the moment of complete exhaustion went to Wednesday, then Tuesday, in the end I only had energy for Monday morning.

The weekends were just for sleeping, recharging, doing nothing, not meeting people or leaving the flat at all. Hobbies apart from reading? Non-existent. And after a while, weekends or even holidays weren’t enough to recharge my battery.

I hadn’t taken into consideration that the everyday noise and social interaction alone wouldn’t suit me as an HSP and introvert. How that would exhaust me. (And the working atmosphere didn’t help either, but this is a topic for another day.)

Put into the mix, that that library is just one big room, all open, all the office space open, too. You hear everything from everywhere from everyone. (The only door you actually can close is the one to the loo.)

Try working there as an HSP and try writing concepts and reports, drafting applications for funding, designing and evaluating surveys or working on any other stuff you really have to concentrate on. Without ear plugs, because you have to be available any second for a customer, colleague or someone on the phone. Without the option of home office.

I wanted to make it work though. I tried everything I could come up with. Even medication for two years so I could sleep at all. (Crazy, right?) I didn’t want to give up.

Not the right place

It was madness. I wore myself out completely. And I collapsed.

I left after six and a half years, heart-broken.

It felt like giving up at that time, but walking away was the only way to protect myself after all other options had failed.

I am a highly sensitive person, I am an introvert and that seemingly perfect job didn’t suit me.

I have been learning to honour who I am since then. Finally. At the end of my forties. To stop trying to live like everyone else. To pretend to be “normal”. To stop just trying harder. To think „There is something wrong with me“. There isn’t.

Quitting that former dream job actually was the first step to becoming myself again, to start living a life that really suits me.

I am very happy with the quiet life I have started creating for myself since then, and I can honestly say, I’ve never been better in a very long time.

Have you ever quit a job you loved, because you couldn’t cope anymore? If you are an HSP, how do you cope with the noise in open-plan offices or with jobs where a lot of social interaction is required?

I’d love to hear about it in the comments.