Turning 50 Doesn't Change Anything, or Does It?

Things I'm too old for. | Things I’ll never be too old for. | Celebrating with 50 ideas and a promise to myself.

I'm turning 50 on Wednesday, and although I haven't celebrated my birthday for 20 years, I feel different this time.

It's not so much about the number (although 50 is a bit special, isn't it?), it's more about what I've been through over the last ten years and what I've learnt from it. It's about celebrating that I've made it this far, that I'm still here, that I'm learning, that I'm changing. And it's definitely about celebrating that I've left some things behind, enjoying others all the more and trying something new that really took me by surprise.

If you know me a little, you may know that I don’t really write lists any more. (For good reasons.) But writing the following lists was actually great fun!

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Things I’m too old for! Yay!

• Constantly spending more energy than I have

• Following trends, listening to adverts, the whole consumerism thing

• Hiding who I really am, hiding certain aspects of myself or opinions I have

• Being a people pleaser

• Wearing clothes I don’t feel comfortable in (including high-heels of any kind)

• Accumulating stuff

• Unhappy memories (for example, I threw away or deleted every photo that made me feel bad, that’s why I don’t have much left from my school days)

• Running after people and twisting myself into a pretzel to gain someone’s attention or friendship

• Prioritizing other people over my mental health & self-care

• Superficiality (I find it really boring, I always have.)

• Gossiping (I don’t see any sense in it, what’s the point? How does it make anyone feel good?)

• Following traditions in which I see no sense

• Putting up with people who don’t accept me as I am

• Doing what I don’t want to do

• Waiting for people who come up with so many ideas of what we could and should do together and never act on any of them, even though I'd love to and say so. (I can do them on my own, you know.)

• Saving the best for last!

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Things I’ll never be too old for!

• Reading in bed after hours

• Listening to radio plays in the dark

• Stopping to marvel at a flower, a snail, a bumblebee, an insect that I haven’t seen before

• Drinking hot cocoa (mine is marzipan flavoured, so yummy!)

• Lots and lots of books

• Being grateful

• Being in love with my husband

• Writing

• Finding joy in small & simple things

• Being open-minded

• Hope

• Being interested in new topics and people

• Making new memories

• That my heart soars when I hear a blackbird sing or look at the clouds or listen to the wind in the trees or breathe in the smell of rain

• Squatting down to stroke a cat

• Making the most of what I have

• Learning more about myself

• Starting over

• New friendships and rekindling old ones

• Getting excited

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Celebrating with 50 ideas and a promise to myself

I was surprised myself this year that I didn't feel uncomfortable as my birthday approached. I don’t know why I’ve had issues with this day for decades, it’s not about ageing at all, but I usually felt kind of depressed and didn’t want to do anything special. (I used to switch off my phone too.)

This time however it feels entirely different. I’ve decided to celebrate my 50th birthday not just for one day or with one party (I really, really don’t like parties), but with 50 ideas, experiences, small, but thoughtful gifts to myself. That’s very new and very unlike me. But who says you can’t change, right?

I’m still learning to treat myself, to do something good for myself. I've got better at it in the last 2-3 years, but Pressure and Pushing Through and Not Taking Up Space and People Pleasing are beliefs I'm still in the process of healing from. But I know this much: Don’t wait for some day in the future and don’t save the best for last.

I don’t have it all figured out yet, but I have some ideas and I've actually started a week early:

No. 1: We had friends over for an extended weekend. Very good old friends who we just meet once or twice a year because we live quite far away from each other. But when we meet, it’s just the perfect, funny, hilarious, comforting time with lots to talk about, days on end of just being together, walks and food and fun. It’s so relaxing with old friends. We enjoy each other’s company a lot and the topics are wide-ranging, profound - or silly. A highlight every year. So was this one.

As you may know, I’m not one for buying “stuff”, but I’m one for choosing items carefully that I feel are a good long-term investment and that will make my life better (immediately, actually). So I’m thinking about buying hiking boots, a second-hand bike and noise cancelling headphones.

I might treat myself by buying a nature book in the UK every month that I can’t get here. Just because it makes me happy. A real luxuary!

I’m about to start a new hobby too. Apparently it’s called Junk Journaling, if you need a word for it, and might be right up my alley. Something fun, something creative.

Like going for walks by flipping a coin or throwing a dice to decide about directions.

It’s about being spontaneous, creative, doing something fun and definitely doing something that makes me happy!

It’s time to celebrate my birthday again, start letting my eccentric side show, be at peace with my thoughts and my life, listen to my intuition even more, take up space and take good care of myself!

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It was such fun to put these lists together. Highly recommended - at any age! :)

Is there anything you’d like to add? What would be on either of your lists?

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