Being a Highly Sensitive, Introverted, Quiet or Shy Kid Is (More Than) Alright
Wonderful picture books, a children's detective book series and a graphic novel for teens which celebrate exactly that
Being a highly sensitive child in the 1980s
I grew up in a time when the term “highly sensitive” wasn’t known.
I was considered to be either very or too sensitive, very emotional, shy, quiet, introverted, reserved, timid and cautious (I still fail to see what’s wrong with that), easily worried - and in the end socially anxious.
No, these traits are not interchangeable, but these attributions have something in common. They all went in the same direction.
Hint: Not a positively meant one.
In short: I was different from most other children. I was different from the norm. I was different from what society wanted.
What comes to mind, on top of my head, in no particular order:
I needed a lot of me-time. And a lot of sleep.
I liked it quieter.
I was very empathetic with humans, animals, plants, even inanimate objects (almost) alike. I cared for and looked after others. I had a strong sense of justice.
I preferred to watch first before joining in (if I joined in at all). I thought a lot - about everything, really.
I felt deeper. I was easier to hurt. I took everything to heart.
I preferred meeting friends individually rather than in a group. Children’s birthday parties were exhausting, especially my own.
I loved animals, nature, books and cuddly toys. I invented stories and games.
I didn't like having to participate orally at school. I thought it unfair that this counted more than any written performance. The pressure was nightmar-ish.
I was susceptible to a tense or negative atmosphere, and was deeply affected by it.
I always needed a way out of situations that became too much for me (which I often didn’t get).
I didn't understand why others enjoyed picking on other people so much.
I could feel intense joy and happiness, while others said that they couldn't tell if I liked something at all. (Inside I was dancing and throwing confetti! Inside I was beaming!)
And you know what?
I am still like that.
It’s different nowadays, right?
When I was young, I was expected to overcome being like that, to try harder to be like the norm, the extroverts. Especially in school.
There definitely weren’t any books in which the aforementioned attributions were shown as good or okay.
Maybe we are further along today. More understanding, so that children who are highly sensitive, shy, introverted and/or quiet feel seen, accepted and respected. I very much hope so!
In this post, I’ve put together some picture books, a children’s detective book series and a graphic novel for teens which show that being highly sensitive, introverted, quiet or shy is totally fine and awesome.
These are books full of respect, unterstanding and encouragement and I’m happy to recommend them to any (young) person who might need just that.
Picture books
Albert’s Quiet Quest, Isabelle Arsenault
(German title: Albert will lesen)
Haven’t we all been there? Looking for peace and quiet to read a book? But the world and our surroundings are just too noisy and are constantly trying to get our attention?
Desperate for a quiet place to read, Albert storms out to the alley behind his house where his friends and neighbours often meet to play. Lucky him - not only is no one around today, but he finds an old painting of a beach scene that someone’s left for the trash. The painting sparks Albert’s imagination and he finds himself on the quiet sunset beach. Well, until the other kids appear on that beach who just want to have some fun, as LOUDLY as possible.
What’s a book-loving introvert to do?
Albert’s imagination with the beach painting is wonderful, also how he incorporates everything going on around him into the scene. The colour scheme is great, too.
The book gets by with few words, very appropriate in the search for silence, and the pictures develop a great dynamic.
I love the solution that everyone ends up sitting together and reading their book in peace. Being together, but doing something quiet for yourself. Wonderful!
A delightful picture book from a Canadian illustrator.
The best picture book I’ve read this year on any topic! Highly recommended!
The Underwater Fancy-Dress Parade, Davina Bell
(German title: Alfie und der Clownfisch)
Alfie is shy and that's perfectly fine. Nobody puts pressure on him, not even his parents.
He is allowed to cancel appointments and dates (sports event, birthday party and now the underwater fancy-dress parade). His mum doesn’t make him feel guilty, doesn't persuade him to at least try, but respects him and offers him the chance to do something else, something nice instead. Wow!
For me, this books’s message stands out wonderfully from other books. This Australian title tells us that being shy, even socially anxious, is okay, you can do everything at your own pace. Sometimes it just takes a little while before you are ready for the outside world. And that’s fine.
A beautiful, gentle and sensitive children's book!
Huch! Eine Überraschung!, Miriam Bos
Note: Original title in Dutch: Help! Een verrassing! Sadly, there’s no English translation. It’s such a beautiful book! But you can read more about August the Fox in English on the author's website.
is also on Substack.The story follows the sensitive August the Fox and his best friend, the adventurous Suzie the Squirrel. Suzie has a surprise for August and he just doesn’t know what to expect. He doesn't like surprises.
Suzie loves to run, jump and do wild things, while August prefers to read, paint and do quiet things. August's imagination runs wild. He imagines the most terrible situations that Suzie could surprise him with, something loud, scary or dangerous - or something difficult like making a decision.
However, Suzie wouldn’t be his best friend if she didn’t know what he likes - and they have the perfect day.
The illustrations and the story-telling are equally beautiful and captivating. I loved the lively and dynamically drawn protagonists. (And I have a soft spot for foxes and squirrels anyway.)
I absolutely love that this book is not about the sensitive, introverted person (er, fox) having to change, but about his friend being considerate and them doing something that he feels comfortable with and that they both ultimately enjoy. Cheers to true, understanding friends! Highly recommended!
A Quiet Girl, Peter Carnava
(German title: Marie – das stille Mädchen)
Mary is a quiet girl. As a result, she notices things that no one else sees or hears and has a special relationship with nature. Mary hears the quiet sounds of the dragonfly that hums softly, the dog that sighs gently or the creaking of the tree at the end of the street. It’s beautiful!
But it’s also a problem because her family makes so much noise they hardly notice her. She is either overheard or asked to speak louder. As a consequence Mary becomes even quieter than before. In the hustle and bustle of family life nobody notices that she disappears.
When they finally realise that Mary is missing, their calls echo louder and louder through the neighbourhood, but it is only when they become very quiet and start listening carefully that they hear a soft song sung by Mary. At last, her family get to know Mary's wonderful view of the world and they see for the first time what they’ve been missing.
I loved it that this Australian title portrays being quiet as such a positive trait. You don’t see that often. And even though it’s heartbreaking how Mary is overlooked at the beginning, she doesn't let herself be put off. She delights in the little wonders she discovers.
It is not always the loud ones who have something important to say. (Is it ever?) It is just as important to listen to the quiet ones and to see the world through their eyes. A beautiful message!
Tausendfühler Lars: Eine Geschichte über Hochsensibilität, Hannah-Marie Heine
Note: It’s a German title about high sensitivity.
Lars notices a lot of things that others don’t. He sometimes sees, hears, smells and feels so much at once that he feels very uncomfortable. For example, when his new jumper scratches his skin unbearably, when it's particularly loud at kindergarten or when the finger paints stick to his hands. He wonders why his friend Klara is making such a serious face and if the dog likes travelling by tram.
Lars perceives, observes and experiences many stimuli more intensively than most other children. This takes a lot of energy and often pushes Lars to his limits.
Fortunately, his grandad understands Lars and his garden shed becomes a calm place of refuge for both of them.
Over time, his kindergarten teacher and his mum understand Lars' difficulties in everyday life and help him to deal with them better. Lars even ends up building his own retreat in kindergarten.
This sensitive picture book shows what it can feel like to be highly sensitive. It also gives suggestions on how to make an HSP life suitable and more pleasant.
I particularly liked the fact that the retreat to process the many stimuli is presented as good, important and necessary - nothing to be ashamed of. (And you certainly don't have to endure the over-stimulation.)
A very good book!
Children’s novel series
Rory Shy, der schüchterne Detektiv, Oliver Schlick
Note: It’s a German series. Regrettably, there’s no English translation.
This wonderful children’s detective book series is unusal and I loved it from the first page.
It features an original detective duo: the shy detective, Rory Shy, and his talkative twelve-year-old assistant, Matilda, who is also the narrator of the books.
Rory Shy is an unusual detective: he is uncomfortable questioning witnesses, too shy to talk to informants and far too polite to pester suspects with questions about an alibi. Instead, he has a highly secret method of his own, which has so far enabled him to solve even the trickiest mysteries. Until now … It’s a good thing that Matilda, who is anything but shy, is there to help him out. Together they take on the most interesting cases.
A shy adult as a hero and role model in a children’s book is highly unusual. He is famous because he solves cases that no one else can solve and is celebrated for it, even though he finds being the centre of attention VERY unpleasant.
What a great message: Shyness may sometimes be a hindrance, but you don't have to overcome it to be successful. You can find your own way that suits you.
This series is exceptionally funny. The cases are unusual, the plot is fast-paced, full of action and interestingly told. The lovingly and sympathetically drawn characters, however, stand above all. Rarely have new children's book characters made such a lasting impression on me.
In this series, the shy ones are respected and not laughed at, even if their quirks are very amusing. But this applies to the quirks of all the characters.
I particularly like that the books show what can be achieved if the quiet ones and the outgoing ones combine their strengths. Casually, this series contributes to more understanding for both sides - in a very funny way.
Graphic novel
Quiet Girl in a Noisy World: An Introvert’s Story, Debbie Tung
(German title: Quiet Girl: Geschichten einer Introvertierten)
My absolute favourite book on the subject comes last, but only because I have sorted the books by reading age.
Debbie doesn't like socialising. She prefers texting to talking on the phone and always stands on the sidelines at parties. A perfect day for Debbie is when it's raining outside and she can lie on the sofa with a cup of tea and a book. Of course she wonders if something is wrong with her.
The graphic novel traces Debbie’s college life like socializing with peers, dating, falling in love (with an extrovert), moving in, meeting new people, and simply trying to fit in, and her life after graduation as she tries to find a job and to navigate office life. There are also flashbacks to her childhood.
It’s not easy, but when Debbie learns to embrace her introversion, she finds ways to thrive in the world while fulfilling her need for quiet.
This comic graphic memoir illustrates with subtle humour comic artist and illustrator Debbie Tung's experience as an introvert in an extrovert’s world.
Warm-hearted and funny, profound and sensitive. As an introvert, I've never felt so seen and understood before. It was just perfectly captured! Read it, if you haven’t already. Highly recommended!
By the way, Debbie Tung’s book crossed my path at the perfect moment. As it happens, it was this graphic novel that made me realise that my job would never be good for me under the given circumstances and that I would never get used to it either. Sometimes books can have such a deep impact, don’t you think? This one actually helped me to finally quit my job. What a relief it has been! I am more than happy to work as a writer again, self-employed and from home. Best decision in a very long time!
I’d love to hear your recommendations! Which book should definitely be added to the list?