This was again just like reading my own mind! 😂 The one thing I am trying to do as I get older is pick my battles but it goes against my whole nature. 🤦🏼♀️
Spooky! 😂 But I know the feeling ... It's what I experienced when I read your post "Coffee with my younger self". ☺️
Oh I know, and that's a struggle in itself, right? Plus, what are the battles that can and should be fought and which should be left alone for our own sake? Not an easy decision sometimes ...
Claudia, your words resonate deeply with so many of us who have felt the weight of the world on our shoulders, especially when our hearts are so attuned to the needs of others—people, animals, and the planet alike. What stands out is how you’ve navigated the balance between compassion and self-preservation. Your commitment to doing what you can, within your limits, speaks volumes about your strength and wisdom.
Thank you for the reminder to find joy in the small things and to laugh more. It’s a gift to read your reflections, and I’m sure others feel the same 💛
Thank you so much for your words, Dana, that's so kind of you to say! I'm so glad my reflections resonated with you. It's so wonderful to hear from others who feel similar, who know how it is to feel the weight of the world. And it's so valuable to support one another. 💞
Thank you, Claudia 🙏 Your words really resonated with me. There’s such power in being witnessed by someone who gets it. That weight feels a little lighter when we’re not carrying it alone.
In somatic practice, I often remind folks that returning to safety (even in the smallest ways) helps us hold more without breaking. Your writing creates that kind of space, and it truly matters 💛
Oh men I feel this so much. I'm that person too. I have a people-helping job and I put so much of my energy into it. But it is exhausting and I've dealt with mental health issues because of it as well. I also had to learn how to set my boundaries. I'd love to read more about how you did that part - I still struggle with it sometimes!
Thank you so much for sharing, Sophie! I can relate to that for sure. 🩷
I do struggle with it sometimes as well - as you might have guessed after my last three or so posts that were not entirely in tune with a "Happy Quiet Life". 😂 But yes, sure, I could write more about how I set my boundaries if you're interested. Thanks for letting me know! 😊
Same here 😊 I have a tendency to get overwhelmed by all the negative news in the world, from climat to wars... So I try to shut off the news and keep my world as small as possible and do the things that I can do in my own small world. Thanks for sharing 💕
Thank you for sharing, Hilda! 💗 Shutting off the news as much as possible is something I try to do as well. I think we have to find ways that work for us, who are more sensitive than others, to cope in this world. So good to share our strategies. 💕
Yes, having home as a safe, relaxing space is essential, I think, and we can be very grateful to have that. And it's a wise idea to protect it as good as possible. So shutting out the news is helpful, I feel. Especially because it's usually horrible, but what can I do as a single person in that moment, like you said? Apart from feeling overwhelmed, anxious, depressed and being left with a burden that's not mine to carry and a spinning head? Which doesn't help any one. So, boundaries and barriers, yes, please!
I can imagine that a social and medical job like yours where you come close to people's lives and problems needs extra taking care of yourself and very good boundaries. So glad for you that you have found what helps, what is good for you and your balance. 💛
Oh wow, I am glad I finally have time to catch up... This resonates 100%, I almost cried. "And the more I realised that not everyone else around me felt and acted in the same way, the more responsible I became (or felt I had to)." YES. This is exactly my problem, and as you say, of course with that attitude we totally overwork ourselves.
It somehow feels deeply unfair that you had to go through such a major breakdown to reach some balance. But it makes me happy that you did find it. Of course you are right that each of us can only do so much, and what exactly that is is different for everyone, and in the end we have to accept that we cannot change people, that we cannot make them take more responsibility or care more. I still find that so hard!
At the moment, I am trying to reach a similar state as you where I can say: I'm doing what I can, but I also need to take care of myself, and I shouldn't feel guilty/lazy about that. After all, if I am fighting for a world where everyone is treated well, it would be rather inconsistent if I treated myself badly! But understanding that rationally isn't the same as living it...
I think for me it's also that I worry about losing connections to others if I take better care of myself - both because I don't fulfil my "function" anymore and because when I accept that I cannot change them, I must accept that we are very different... Did you feel like that as well?
These days I am forcing myself to relax more and to say No, even if spontaneously I don't feel like it, but there's still a long way to go.
OK, I'll stop before this gets longer than your post... Thanks for writing this :)
Thank you, Hannah, for taking the time to read - and especially for your long and heartfelt comment! (I wouldn't have minded if it had been longer than my post ... ;-))
It's hard for us who care that much and I don't know if it's ever gonna be easy not to. Especially when caring is actually a good thing and it goes against our nature not to care as much as we do. Finding a balance is key, though, I really can't recommend waiting for a major breakdown to forcing you to find balance. I wish I had realised it long before.
I loved your sentence: "After all, if I am fighting for a world where everyone is treated well, it would be rather inconsistent if I treated myself badly!" Interesting perspective and so true! I've never seen it this way! Thank you, very helpful reminder!
As for your question, yes, I felt like that as well. And to be honest, I lost "friends" and other connections when I took better care of myself. Relationships shifted. Some I was actually very relieved to end myself, some I was very disappointed and sad about to have been ended by others. But in the end, I had to take better care of myself, I actually had no choice - and in hindsight, I'm glad I got the chance to reflect on my life in every aspect and to take mindful, conscious steps towards a life that suits me better and feels healthier. I just hope there will be new connections to others over time, new friendships, real ones. I'm no longer prepared to give up my true self and my mental health.
Thank you so much Claudia :) Yes, being convinced that caring is good is the challenge - I refuse to give up on that. I will always care and I am honestly proud of it, but it can make things challenging, and I sometimes slightly envy people who care less.
That is interesting (and sad) to read that you made this experience with people too. I guess it's not really surprising - maybe losing superficial friends is inevitable when you change - but I know that it is so sad anyway!
Good that you see the positives for yourself (I guess that is personal growth - turning something hard into an experience to learn from...) and for sure my fingers are crossed for new connections! I guess the challenge is to find the "right" people, as many have different values or are just too caught in the rat race to build real connections, but Substack always proves that we are not alone :)
Oh yes, I know this kind of envy ... There were many times in my life when I've envied people who generally take life easier. But I've come to terms with it now that I'm not one of them and that I never will be. And I'm still convinced that caring is good and it's a shame that not more people do it. We are not the odd ones out - the others are! It's nothing wrong with us, but with the world. Sadly.
Thanks for making me aware of personal growth! I've failed to realise this, haha, having been so busy carving out a more suitable life for me (and struggling with the setbacks). But you are right. Cool! :)
Yes, finding the "right" people is a challenge, I agree, especially as an introvert and highly sensitive person. I don't feel at ease with larger groups and meeting new people in such an environment is difficult. I can't remember that this has ever worked for me actually. But where do you meet people one on one? Tricky. And everyone seems to be so busy with their lives, having no space for real connections or additional people in their lives. I'm very happy and relieved to have found Substack ... There is hope! :)
Yes, meeting people is something I wonder about a lot. I honestly think the best way these days might be to find people online who live in your area and have similar interests and then meet up, like dating apps for friendship... But I really shy away from this! Maybe small nature activities or volunteering work (volunteering has kind of worked for me), but yes, I think it is just harder than for younger adults, and harder now for everyone than it was a few decades ago... I do think there are many people out there who would like genuine friendships, and probably things work out over time, but we need to somehow manage to "put ourselves out there" (as the advice always says...) while keeping our energy.
I can relate to feeling the world's weight on your shoulders and feeling responsible for things always. On the one hand, it means you're caring and sticking up for your beliefs, but on the other hand, it's absolutely exhausting. The thing is, as individuals, we don't need to change the world. All we need to focus on is what we can do in our lives. It doesn't have to be anything big; it can be small. But these small things can create a lot of change over one's lifetime, especially if we end up having an impact on other people's lives through being a role model to others
This was again just like reading my own mind! 😂 The one thing I am trying to do as I get older is pick my battles but it goes against my whole nature. 🤦🏼♀️
Spooky! 😂 But I know the feeling ... It's what I experienced when I read your post "Coffee with my younger self". ☺️
Oh I know, and that's a struggle in itself, right? Plus, what are the battles that can and should be fought and which should be left alone for our own sake? Not an easy decision sometimes ...
Claudia, your words resonate deeply with so many of us who have felt the weight of the world on our shoulders, especially when our hearts are so attuned to the needs of others—people, animals, and the planet alike. What stands out is how you’ve navigated the balance between compassion and self-preservation. Your commitment to doing what you can, within your limits, speaks volumes about your strength and wisdom.
Thank you for the reminder to find joy in the small things and to laugh more. It’s a gift to read your reflections, and I’m sure others feel the same 💛
Thank you so much for your words, Dana, that's so kind of you to say! I'm so glad my reflections resonated with you. It's so wonderful to hear from others who feel similar, who know how it is to feel the weight of the world. And it's so valuable to support one another. 💞
Thank you, Claudia 🙏 Your words really resonated with me. There’s such power in being witnessed by someone who gets it. That weight feels a little lighter when we’re not carrying it alone.
In somatic practice, I often remind folks that returning to safety (even in the smallest ways) helps us hold more without breaking. Your writing creates that kind of space, and it truly matters 💛
Thank you! 💗
Oh men I feel this so much. I'm that person too. I have a people-helping job and I put so much of my energy into it. But it is exhausting and I've dealt with mental health issues because of it as well. I also had to learn how to set my boundaries. I'd love to read more about how you did that part - I still struggle with it sometimes!
Thank you so much for sharing, Sophie! I can relate to that for sure. 🩷
I do struggle with it sometimes as well - as you might have guessed after my last three or so posts that were not entirely in tune with a "Happy Quiet Life". 😂 But yes, sure, I could write more about how I set my boundaries if you're interested. Thanks for letting me know! 😊
Same here 😊 I have a tendency to get overwhelmed by all the negative news in the world, from climat to wars... So I try to shut off the news and keep my world as small as possible and do the things that I can do in my own small world. Thanks for sharing 💕
Thank you for sharing, Hilda! 💗 Shutting off the news as much as possible is something I try to do as well. I think we have to find ways that work for us, who are more sensitive than others, to cope in this world. So good to share our strategies. 💕
Oh yes I can relate to this so much. But as you say, having barriers in place now to protect ourselves is essential.
I no longer watch or read the news. Yes, it's awful and horrific, but what can I do to change things?
Especially as my job as a community nurse involves being in many people's lives which are often very complex.
Being at home is my safe, relaxing space, not a space to take on the weight of the rest of the world. 🙏💛
Yes, having home as a safe, relaxing space is essential, I think, and we can be very grateful to have that. And it's a wise idea to protect it as good as possible. So shutting out the news is helpful, I feel. Especially because it's usually horrible, but what can I do as a single person in that moment, like you said? Apart from feeling overwhelmed, anxious, depressed and being left with a burden that's not mine to carry and a spinning head? Which doesn't help any one. So, boundaries and barriers, yes, please!
I can imagine that a social and medical job like yours where you come close to people's lives and problems needs extra taking care of yourself and very good boundaries. So glad for you that you have found what helps, what is good for you and your balance. 💛
Oh wow, I am glad I finally have time to catch up... This resonates 100%, I almost cried. "And the more I realised that not everyone else around me felt and acted in the same way, the more responsible I became (or felt I had to)." YES. This is exactly my problem, and as you say, of course with that attitude we totally overwork ourselves.
It somehow feels deeply unfair that you had to go through such a major breakdown to reach some balance. But it makes me happy that you did find it. Of course you are right that each of us can only do so much, and what exactly that is is different for everyone, and in the end we have to accept that we cannot change people, that we cannot make them take more responsibility or care more. I still find that so hard!
At the moment, I am trying to reach a similar state as you where I can say: I'm doing what I can, but I also need to take care of myself, and I shouldn't feel guilty/lazy about that. After all, if I am fighting for a world where everyone is treated well, it would be rather inconsistent if I treated myself badly! But understanding that rationally isn't the same as living it...
I think for me it's also that I worry about losing connections to others if I take better care of myself - both because I don't fulfil my "function" anymore and because when I accept that I cannot change them, I must accept that we are very different... Did you feel like that as well?
These days I am forcing myself to relax more and to say No, even if spontaneously I don't feel like it, but there's still a long way to go.
OK, I'll stop before this gets longer than your post... Thanks for writing this :)
Thank you, Hannah, for taking the time to read - and especially for your long and heartfelt comment! (I wouldn't have minded if it had been longer than my post ... ;-))
It's hard for us who care that much and I don't know if it's ever gonna be easy not to. Especially when caring is actually a good thing and it goes against our nature not to care as much as we do. Finding a balance is key, though, I really can't recommend waiting for a major breakdown to forcing you to find balance. I wish I had realised it long before.
I loved your sentence: "After all, if I am fighting for a world where everyone is treated well, it would be rather inconsistent if I treated myself badly!" Interesting perspective and so true! I've never seen it this way! Thank you, very helpful reminder!
As for your question, yes, I felt like that as well. And to be honest, I lost "friends" and other connections when I took better care of myself. Relationships shifted. Some I was actually very relieved to end myself, some I was very disappointed and sad about to have been ended by others. But in the end, I had to take better care of myself, I actually had no choice - and in hindsight, I'm glad I got the chance to reflect on my life in every aspect and to take mindful, conscious steps towards a life that suits me better and feels healthier. I just hope there will be new connections to others over time, new friendships, real ones. I'm no longer prepared to give up my true self and my mental health.
Not wanting to lure you to click on another post of mine, haha, but have you seen this one?: https://claudiakollschen.substack.com/p/about-being-true-to-myself. I wrote about that topic a little more.
I hope and wish for you that you find a way to find a good balance and a way to take care of yourself!
Thank you so much Claudia :) Yes, being convinced that caring is good is the challenge - I refuse to give up on that. I will always care and I am honestly proud of it, but it can make things challenging, and I sometimes slightly envy people who care less.
That is interesting (and sad) to read that you made this experience with people too. I guess it's not really surprising - maybe losing superficial friends is inevitable when you change - but I know that it is so sad anyway!
Good that you see the positives for yourself (I guess that is personal growth - turning something hard into an experience to learn from...) and for sure my fingers are crossed for new connections! I guess the challenge is to find the "right" people, as many have different values or are just too caught in the rat race to build real connections, but Substack always proves that we are not alone :)
I'll read your other post now...
Oh yes, I know this kind of envy ... There were many times in my life when I've envied people who generally take life easier. But I've come to terms with it now that I'm not one of them and that I never will be. And I'm still convinced that caring is good and it's a shame that not more people do it. We are not the odd ones out - the others are! It's nothing wrong with us, but with the world. Sadly.
Thanks for making me aware of personal growth! I've failed to realise this, haha, having been so busy carving out a more suitable life for me (and struggling with the setbacks). But you are right. Cool! :)
Yes, finding the "right" people is a challenge, I agree, especially as an introvert and highly sensitive person. I don't feel at ease with larger groups and meeting new people in such an environment is difficult. I can't remember that this has ever worked for me actually. But where do you meet people one on one? Tricky. And everyone seems to be so busy with their lives, having no space for real connections or additional people in their lives. I'm very happy and relieved to have found Substack ... There is hope! :)
Yes, meeting people is something I wonder about a lot. I honestly think the best way these days might be to find people online who live in your area and have similar interests and then meet up, like dating apps for friendship... But I really shy away from this! Maybe small nature activities or volunteering work (volunteering has kind of worked for me), but yes, I think it is just harder than for younger adults, and harder now for everyone than it was a few decades ago... I do think there are many people out there who would like genuine friendships, and probably things work out over time, but we need to somehow manage to "put ourselves out there" (as the advice always says...) while keeping our energy.
Well, here's to personal growth!
Yes, I'm also sure that there are people out there who would like genuine friendships and who match us. Let's not give up hope! :)
I can relate to feeling the world's weight on your shoulders and feeling responsible for things always. On the one hand, it means you're caring and sticking up for your beliefs, but on the other hand, it's absolutely exhausting. The thing is, as individuals, we don't need to change the world. All we need to focus on is what we can do in our lives. It doesn't have to be anything big; it can be small. But these small things can create a lot of change over one's lifetime, especially if we end up having an impact on other people's lives through being a role model to others
Thank you for reading and for your lovely comment, Alex! Very much appreciated! 💗